A Guide for Understanding and Recognizing Emotional Infidelity
Emotional infidelity is a difficult subject. Many people may not even realize that they are experiencing it, and it can often be mistaken for something less harmful than it truly is. As therapists utilizing somatic therapy, we approach emotional infidelity by considering not only the emotions involved but also how it manifests in the body. Understanding this can help individuals and couples address these feelings in a healthy, healing way.
What Is Emotional Infidelity?
Emotional infidelity occurs when one partner in a relationship forms a strong emotional connection with someone outside of the relationship. This connection can take many forms, such as confiding in someone else in ways that should be reserved for your partner, seeking emotional support from another person instead of your partner, or developing a deep bond with someone that creates distance in your primary relationship.
How Emotional Infidelity Shows Up in the Body
Somatic therapy looks at how emotions and experiences are stored in the body. Often, emotional infidelity can create physical tension, anxiety, nausea, migraines, flashbacks, nightmare, or even numbness. These emotional shifts may show up in your posture, breathing, or even muscle tightness.
For example, you may notice your shoulders become tense when thinking about your partner’s emotional connection with someone else, or you may experience an upset stomach when recalling moments of betrayal. Your body often holds on to the pain and confusion, even if your mind tries to push it away.
Recognizing Emotional Infidelity
It's hard to recognize emotional infidelity, especially when it develops over time. Some signs to look for include:
Secrecy and Withholding: Your partner may hide things from you like their phone, their social media activity, or their conversations with a certain person. This secrecy can be a red flag that something is going on emotionally, even if nothing physical has happened.
Change in Emotional Availability: Emotional infidelity often leads to one partner pulling away from the other. If your partner is no longer as emotionally present or as connected to you, it might indicate that their emotional needs are being met elsewhere.
Feeling Like a Stranger: You may notice that your partner is no longer sharing the same level of emotional intimacy with you. They might talk to someone else about their day, their feelings, or their problems, leaving you feeling disconnected or out of the loop.
Physical Symptoms: As mentioned earlier, your body can also react to emotional stress. Tension, restlessness, and anxiety might be signs that something is off in your relationship. Being attuned to your body’s responses is an important way to detect emotional shifts.
Healing from Emotional Infidelity
If you recognize the signs of emotional infidelity in your relationship, it is important to address it. Here are a few steps to help you start the healing process:
Address Your Feelings: Acknowledge the emotional pain that comes with realizing that your partner may be emotionally invested in someone else. Therapy can help you understand the root of your feelings and teach you ways to process them in a healthy way.
Rebuild Trust: Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If emotional infidelity has occurred, it is important to have open conversations about the breach in trust and how to rebuild it. This may involve creating boundaries, improving communication, and seeking counseling together.
Focus on Your Own Healing: Healing from emotional infidelity involves taking care of yourself first. Practice self-care, set boundaries, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and connect with supportive people in your life.
Conclusion
Emotional infidelity can be devastating, but it also offers a powerful opportunity for growth—both individually and as a couple—whether you choose to heal together or part ways. If you are experiencing the effects of emotional infidelity, or if you would like to explore how infidelity therapy—or just therapy in general—can help, reach out to schedule an appointment. Let's work together to heal.